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HeartbeatMy heart beats it stutters, then beats again. Faster this time, though, because of the way you hurt me. Beats faster because of the anger and the pain.
Beat b be beat ..beat.beat.
Pieces of me are falling away; I can't make them stay in place anymore. You chisel away more of my heart with every lie,
Every justification you make for your actions,
Every time you hide something from me,
And I wonder how many more hits I can take. How many more times I can be talked out of leaving.
One more day, week, month, year? Jesus you tie me in knots.
Every time, its baby I'll do better. And today it was I don't want to hurt you anymore. Then why are you?
Why must we do this over and over again?
Why do I have to cry to get your attention?
Why can't you tell me how you're feeling?
B be beat.
This won't be easy. I won't make it easy.
I'm worth more than this, worth more than the way you've skated by through these yea
I Miss YouI'll ignore you and pretend you dont exist
until you come back to me
until your drugs wear off
and you look at me soberly
and while i may seem so cold
its easier to just ignore you and carry through
cause i deserve more
than just an empty shell of you
i hate that you check out
i hate that you slur your words
i hate that you dont care how i feel about it
because you so like the blur
i understand about taking the edge off
trust me, i really do
but you have so much youre missing
and i, i just miss you
im tired of repeating myself
at least twice with every word i say
im tired of thinking i'll just do it myself
cause its easier and faster that way
i hate to keep asking
because you dont ever listen
youre wasting money and wasting away
youre sort of just existing
RumBottle to the lips
your convictions are stronger now
now that you can taste it
and in it you can drown
another shot for the tears
so that everything goes numb
so i can stop hating
so i can stop feeling dumb
i want to drown out this life
so i can stop hating me
so i can stop hating you
so i can stop...and just be
no more tears, no more pain
i dont have to care
and even when i fall
no one will have to be there
so drink it up, enjoy
the taste gets better as you go
one more shot, one more taste
down & down you'll go
You Made MeI'm only paranoid because you make me..
cause you take me, break me, and hate me.
I'm only here cause you brought me...
cause you caught me, fought me, & taught me.
I'm only around cause you like it...
that I fight it, & that I cant right it.
I only speak when you try to "get" me...
when you bet me, let me, & then forget me.
I only breathe cause you're waiting...
cause you're watching, wishing, paying.
I'll only leave cause you've decided its not worth trying...
not worth lying, crying, or slowly dying.
And I'll only remember because you changed me...
cause of the violence, and the love, cause you made me...
Im waiting for the things that you promised
Waiting for the words to ring true
Waiting for you to see your responsibility
For you to comprehend and come through
I keep hoping you'll see how im feeling
Keep trying to think that you'll change
And sometimes you acknowledge the problems
but its never corrected, its always the same
And i'm feeling so angry and crazy
I hate how you have that control
Im still waiting, watching, loving
Still filled with such false hope.
Breaking Freei'm screaming inside
...from trying to hide and break free
all at the same time
i'm screaming inside
...from feeling so alive and afraid
all at the same time
i'm trying to break free
of my self-made chains
but its harder than it seems
i wasnt prepared for the pains
and i'm trying to break free
cause i know its a better world
but i've been so broken and afraid
still feel like that little girl
i'm so afraid of what i'm feeling
though its amazing in itself
so afraid but liberated
from this self-made hell
and i'm not sure that i want this
even though it feels so right
i dont know why i'm fighting
but i wont give up the fight
Secretssecrets...so many secrets here
so many things held in check
i wont shed a single tear
secrets...so many left unsaid
things i cant bring myself to tell you
places i was willingly led
secrets...that would hurt you about me
the scars that lie inside
the craving to feel, the need
secrets...that you've heard but dont believe
the ones i turn around to lies
so as to spare you the grief
secrets...that showed the hope lost long ago
looking to see if i'm still here
things i'd never show
secrets...i've got thousands left
things i've yet to tell you
but im afraid i'll run out of breath.
Failuredont you think i remember?
dont you think i recall?
when you were there, breaking
and i just let the pieces fall?
dont you think that i felt it?
dont you think that i saw you cry?
when you were there, bleeding
and i turned my back, i lied.
dont you think that it hurt me?
dont you think that i died?
when you were there, hurting
and i just tried to hide.
dont you think that it hurt?
dont you think that i know?
when you were there, drowning
and i just let you go.
dont you think that i remember?
dont you think that i regret?
when you were dying there
and i turned away, i left.
dont you think i loved you?
dont you think i cared?
when you were being broken down
and to move i was too scared.
Dont you think i recall?
dont you thinnk i understand?
when you were there, falling
and i wouldnt help you stand/
Fairthey told me it would be ok...and that they wouldnt care...but they lied to my face...for they all stopped and stared...some part of me said to run...but my pride took over and i stayed...some little part of me was scared...but i made that voice fade...someone started laughing...and i felt my face turn red...inside i was bleeding...from the cuts from the words they said...no one always speaks truth...no one never lies..and then they see you as having weakness...if you break down and cry...the most lonely i ever felt...was in that crowded room...where i could identify with no one...it felt like a crowded tomb...where everyone's there but no ones alive...where they're all living...but they've all died inside...and theyre bringing me down with them...they want what the no longer have...a soul, their own personality...they want the things they lack...and the lonliness just grows greater...the emptiness creates a bigger hole...adn the people i surround myself with...their hearts are just so
the only letter I've ever wanted to burni.
if you want to give someone the silent treatment,
the first step is shutting up.
things made much more sense
when I was younger.
I thought there was one path,
each choice a stepping stone upon it.
in reality there are a million roads
intertwined like rope.
I got lost
I chose you.
promises are easily broken.
I knew that,
but it still hurt
spending friday night
shivering in the rain,
choking on cannabis perfume
in a dirt parking lot
your face never graced.
and I hoped against hope
you might appear,
but I wasted my wishing
on ungrateful you.
you died before taking your first breath.
I took a chance
and I should've known better.
you can give somebody all you have
and nothing can stop them from
throwing it away.
you've made this bed,
now lie in it.
you slit this suture,
you're the goddamn reason
I gave up on the month of april,
and soon enough you'll fall on your own blade
like some drunken samurai.
if you want
Die AloneI take apart her heart
And lay the pieces down
In a circular form.
Let her bleed a work of art.
I forgot I’m crazy.
I’ll whisper my secrets
Only if she promises
To die here alone with me.
.What do you want to be when you grow up?
They ask it like a dare.
As if letting your unlikely dreams
slip from the safety of your mind
could bring their own
a little closer to reality.
car crash on an empty roadit happened before
we did. it was more a person
than you or I or that boy
in the park trying
to convince us to
stupid. it happened
before your smile
cracked the sky in half, before
our laughters slurred into
a dissonant song, before
your fingers traced the stories
lying on my face before I knew
just how many pieces of sunshine
were trapped in your hair before
the walls became the ceiling and
I wasn’t claustrophobic.
things I remember:
the red blur of your room like
God was experimenting with the
symbolism in modern art, the
tri-tone shimmering of your eyes
like the surface of the water, the way
you defined perfection as a scale of
women ending with a less than sensible
me, the way you always moved like
you were dancing and no one was there to
RelativityLooking in the mirror
through the mirror
seeing a stranger,
My chest swells and my heart lurches
This girl isn't me, not at all
She looks like someone
but not me.
A movie star, a homeless person.
Even when I look at photos
no memory comes up
no allowing for the thought that I have a body
Or that the cold of my fingertips,
the throb of anxiety inside my ribs
I see my arm, an armband
A scar, a vein, a ring that has no meaning
But it did, to this girl in the mirror
Even if memory fails
Existence is relative
Hope in my Lawyer's Paperclip JarMy lawyer's desk on a normal Wednesday afternoon
is flooded with sheafs of white legal pads and errant staples.
Today is Wednesday, but the clouds outside
his twelfth-story window are shaped like loss
and the lines around his eyes seem crater-like in the shadows
and nothing about the last three weeks of my life
has been normal, so I don't know why it surprises me
to find his desk cleared of debris.
I wait for him in a silence that ebbs and flows with my heartbeats,
the zipper on my knee highs tapping against my leg like rain.
When he returns, hands filled with coffee
and the paperwork for a restraining order
against the man he set me up with almost a month ago,
I blurt the first thing that comes to mind.
"There's only one paperclip left in the magnetic jar.
It's bent like a swan."
I can tell, from the awkward shuffling of his loafers,
that he's wondering if he should have brought the Kleenex, after all.
He knows women often cry at things such as these,
reminders of the men they've love
Dizzy Girl,you can't cure sorrow. The drops
on the windshield are swallowed
by this traffic's color and you
are just the driver.
Other people pass
with paint blearing,
though I do wish
there was an ending,
questions spark in halos
of low street lamps as you veer
toward the center,
recollections are ceaseless.
She will be at your left and the gust
through the tinted window
will be humid,
you taste her last spirit
in the smoke and
What Writers AreWriters are people from
both ends of the spectrum.
Those that know isolation
and the thoughts that follow.
Those that know enlightenment.
And those with nowhere else to go,
but deeper down the rabbit hole.
Writers are smiths of the word,
using imagination, experience,
and emotions to temper the
glass and steel we are given.
We fill the page with pieces
And writers are Gods.
Broken or whole or
barely scraping through.
We make you see our world.
We make you feel and care.
All with a bunch of lines,
which we have given life.
just a liethe fear is pouring out my
cant cry because of the
up the entire world with
you for everything you
something will you? cant
the world would keep on
into what you wanted it to
something other than what you
they serious. you care about
where you were. where you
eyes that were blind to
said you werent
of the stories, you
breathe, cant see,
on a line, from me, for you.
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More