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HeartbeatMy heart beats it stutters, then beats again. Faster this time, though, because of the way you hurt me. Beats faster because of the anger and the pain.
Beat b be beat ..beat.beat.
Pieces of me are falling away; I can't make them stay in place anymore. You chisel away more of my heart with every lie,
Every justification you make for your actions,
Every time you hide something from me,
And I wonder how many more hits I can take. How many more times I can be talked out of leaving.
One more day, week, month, year? Jesus you tie me in knots.
Every time, its baby I'll do better. And today it was I don't want to hurt you anymore. Then why are you?
Why must we do this over and over again?
Why do I have to cry to get your attention?
Why can't you tell me how you're feeling?
B be beat.
This won't be easy. I won't make it easy.
I'm worth more than this, worth more than the way you've skated by through these yea
I Miss YouI'll ignore you and pretend you dont exist
until you come back to me
until your drugs wear off
and you look at me soberly
and while i may seem so cold
its easier to just ignore you and carry through
cause i deserve more
than just an empty shell of you
i hate that you check out
i hate that you slur your words
i hate that you dont care how i feel about it
because you so like the blur
i understand about taking the edge off
trust me, i really do
but you have so much youre missing
and i, i just miss you
im tired of repeating myself
at least twice with every word i say
im tired of thinking i'll just do it myself
cause its easier and faster that way
i hate to keep asking
because you dont ever listen
youre wasting money and wasting away
youre sort of just existing
RumBottle to the lips
your convictions are stronger now
now that you can taste it
and in it you can drown
another shot for the tears
so that everything goes numb
so i can stop hating
so i can stop feeling dumb
i want to drown out this life
so i can stop hating me
so i can stop hating you
so i can stop...and just be
no more tears, no more pain
i dont have to care
and even when i fall
no one will have to be there
so drink it up, enjoy
the taste gets better as you go
one more shot, one more taste
down & down you'll go
You Made MeI'm only paranoid because you make me..
cause you take me, break me, and hate me.
I'm only here cause you brought me...
cause you caught me, fought me, & taught me.
I'm only around cause you like it...
that I fight it, & that I cant right it.
I only speak when you try to "get" me...
when you bet me, let me, & then forget me.
I only breathe cause you're waiting...
cause you're watching, wishing, paying.
I'll only leave cause you've decided its not worth trying...
not worth lying, crying, or slowly dying.
And I'll only remember because you changed me...
cause of the violence, and the love, cause you made me...
Im waiting for the things that you promised
Waiting for the words to ring true
Waiting for you to see your responsibility
For you to comprehend and come through
I keep hoping you'll see how im feeling
Keep trying to think that you'll change
And sometimes you acknowledge the problems
but its never corrected, its always the same
And i'm feeling so angry and crazy
I hate how you have that control
Im still waiting, watching, loving
Still filled with such false hope.
Breaking Freei'm screaming inside
...from trying to hide and break free
all at the same time
i'm screaming inside
...from feeling so alive and afraid
all at the same time
i'm trying to break free
of my self-made chains
but its harder than it seems
i wasnt prepared for the pains
and i'm trying to break free
cause i know its a better world
but i've been so broken and afraid
still feel like that little girl
i'm so afraid of what i'm feeling
though its amazing in itself
so afraid but liberated
from this self-made hell
and i'm not sure that i want this
even though it feels so right
i dont know why i'm fighting
but i wont give up the fight
Secretssecrets...so many secrets here
so many things held in check
i wont shed a single tear
secrets...so many left unsaid
things i cant bring myself to tell you
places i was willingly led
secrets...that would hurt you about me
the scars that lie inside
the craving to feel, the need
secrets...that you've heard but dont believe
the ones i turn around to lies
so as to spare you the grief
secrets...that showed the hope lost long ago
looking to see if i'm still here
things i'd never show
secrets...i've got thousands left
things i've yet to tell you
but im afraid i'll run out of breath.
Failuredont you think i remember?
dont you think i recall?
when you were there, breaking
and i just let the pieces fall?
dont you think that i felt it?
dont you think that i saw you cry?
when you were there, bleeding
and i turned my back, i lied.
dont you think that it hurt me?
dont you think that i died?
when you were there, hurting
and i just tried to hide.
dont you think that it hurt?
dont you think that i know?
when you were there, drowning
and i just let you go.
dont you think that i remember?
dont you think that i regret?
when you were dying there
and i turned away, i left.
dont you think i loved you?
dont you think i cared?
when you were being broken down
and to move i was too scared.
Dont you think i recall?
dont you thinnk i understand?
when you were there, falling
and i wouldnt help you stand/
Fairthey told me it would be ok...and that they wouldnt care...but they lied to my face...for they all stopped and stared...some part of me said to run...but my pride took over and i stayed...some little part of me was scared...but i made that voice fade...someone started laughing...and i felt my face turn red...inside i was bleeding...from the cuts from the words they said...no one always speaks truth...no one never lies..and then they see you as having weakness...if you break down and cry...the most lonely i ever felt...was in that crowded room...where i could identify with no one...it felt like a crowded tomb...where everyone's there but no ones alive...where they're all living...but they've all died inside...and theyre bringing me down with them...they want what the no longer have...a soul, their own personality...they want the things they lack...and the lonliness just grows greater...the emptiness creates a bigger hole...adn the people i surround myself with...their hearts are just so
Staring at the night sky
Trying to find something besides lies
And think of something higher than our very lives
Reminiscing about past events
Living again those moments
Ignoring how it could have been
Giving time for one more evening to
Hold close those memories I had with you
Tonight I'm seeing clearly, I suppose.
I was somewhere in the middle
of these two people
parents they are called
but I didn't really know
I wasn't alone somewhere in the middle
between my parents
broken family it was called
because the other thing was not a human...
Not a person
Not a person
It wasn't a person...
Just the bottle
the liquid inside
It's more important to them than me
Somewhere in the middle I'm
kicked out like a football
missing the goal
which was my mother's embrace
father's kiss on the cheek
Not a happy family...
I was not a happy child...
TunnelsMy parents are screaming,
I remember when it was different.
But that was way back then.
I need to escape,
As I hear my family roar.
So I dig a tunnel,
From my window to yours.
“Do you not find it sad,
That for me to find love,
I must leave my own home?”
As I talk into your window above.
I wish for many things
I know could never come true.
I wish I could remember
All the good I knew.
"Why did everything change?"
I wonder as I dig my lonely tunnels deep.
But I pour my strength into reaching you;
I have no tears left to weep.
I must stay strong and reach you my friend,
I will stop at nothings end.
I will dig a tunnel from my window to yours.
And I leave nothing behind but bloody wars.
The CarThat car was almost family-
It retold our history.
The fabric old and seatbelts worn,
Including that crazy high pitched horn.
Through good memories and sometimes blue,
And life's bittersweet moments it will tell too.
To this day it lays at rest
Although we know it was the best.
The things its seen, the places its gone,
We've ridden it through dusk and into dawn.
#5. Break UpFight me if you must,
Tell me you refuse.
You need to let me go.
I am the darkness.
I hide behind shadow,
And I like it like that.
So get lost.
This is my break-up song.
My sister stays with me,
Still fragile as can be.
She is my priority,
My one and only.
There is no room for you.
So get lost.
This is my break up song.
Something to sayI'm glad i met James and found markiplier i was always thinking about killing myself for so long.
So before all this i knew who markiplier was i've seen his videos before and i didn't like Him at all. then my friend told me about him again i still didn't like him then i saw a he Had scary gameplays and all that shit. so i subscribed to him and at that time i didn't Get a crush on him at that time cus i already had someone else but i was still depressed And the guy that i like didn't live where i live so i was giving up on life. so i went out To get some rope (to hang myself with) but then i met that homo james aka JAMIE . so i Asked him if he was looking for a roommate he said no and i said to bad cus i'm moving in. So i moved in with him so he can make sure i don't kill myself(cus he a doctor). then in 2011 i was at my dads with my sister i was in the shower and i felt a lump in my left lady (I call my boobs lady's leave me alone >:l) i thought it was breast can
I miss you Charlotte! :(Charlotte the Cat
You were so special to me
They way you meowed and purred
You were gentle and sweet cat
You loved your belly rubs
You loved to be on top of me
I wish you were still here
But you can't
Because you're making someone else happy
It was so much more then I could've hoped for
That dream you never thought to have
That dream that seemed impossible
Two little yous with just a sprinkle of me
The Joy Of watching them grow and seeing how you tend to them
It's more then I ever hoped for, more then I thought I deserved
Don't ever want this to go
I'll enjoy my unconscious mind
Because life with you three is better then I imagined
Better then any dream.
Narcissist.So you call me a narcissist, because I look at what I do and who I am and find contentment in the stead of question, because my wings are not as full and bright, I don't look down at the mortals and see myself as their savior, I'm afraid I lack such arrogance,
Do you wish to know what Narcissism truly is? Its the belief that you have the right to judge, the need to criticize, to do good things out of what you claim is the kindness of your sad, damaged heart, and think yourself holy,
I may not be holy, perfect, or even overly kind, indeed I am flawed, I have my convictions, I do not give away my kindness to whoever calls out my name, I do not go out of my way to aid the mortals in their endeavor, but if my love is sincere, you will never know a more fierce guardian.
I do have a line to draw, where you see all in such vivid black and white, you think its your mission to save everyone, where I do simply do what must be done.
A narcissist is someone who thinks they know bes
its changedyou know i used to trust
of all people should
dreaming and reality we
here because i
is remembered at
i believed is
is what i
have to be
was all a
at all like it was.
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More