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HeartbeatMy heart beats it stutters, then beats again. Faster this time, though, because of the way you hurt me. Beats faster because of the anger and the pain.
Beat b be beat ..beat.beat.
Pieces of me are falling away; I can't make them stay in place anymore. You chisel away more of my heart with every lie,
Every justification you make for your actions,
Every time you hide something from me,
And I wonder how many more hits I can take. How many more times I can be talked out of leaving.
One more day, week, month, year? Jesus you tie me in knots.
Every time, its baby I'll do better. And today it was I don't want to hurt you anymore. Then why are you?
Why must we do this over and over again?
Why do I have to cry to get your attention?
Why can't you tell me how you're feeling?
B be beat.
This won't be easy. I won't make it easy.
I'm worth more than this, worth more than the way you've skated by through these yea
I Miss YouI'll ignore you and pretend you dont exist
until you come back to me
until your drugs wear off
and you look at me soberly
and while i may seem so cold
its easier to just ignore you and carry through
cause i deserve more
than just an empty shell of you
i hate that you check out
i hate that you slur your words
i hate that you dont care how i feel about it
because you so like the blur
i understand about taking the edge off
trust me, i really do
but you have so much youre missing
and i, i just miss you
im tired of repeating myself
at least twice with every word i say
im tired of thinking i'll just do it myself
cause its easier and faster that way
i hate to keep asking
because you dont ever listen
youre wasting money and wasting away
youre sort of just existing
RumBottle to the lips
your convictions are stronger now
now that you can taste it
and in it you can drown
another shot for the tears
so that everything goes numb
so i can stop hating
so i can stop feeling dumb
i want to drown out this life
so i can stop hating me
so i can stop hating you
so i can stop...and just be
no more tears, no more pain
i dont have to care
and even when i fall
no one will have to be there
so drink it up, enjoy
the taste gets better as you go
one more shot, one more taste
down & down you'll go
You Made MeI'm only paranoid because you make me..
cause you take me, break me, and hate me.
I'm only here cause you brought me...
cause you caught me, fought me, & taught me.
I'm only around cause you like it...
that I fight it, & that I cant right it.
I only speak when you try to "get" me...
when you bet me, let me, & then forget me.
I only breathe cause you're waiting...
cause you're watching, wishing, paying.
I'll only leave cause you've decided its not worth trying...
not worth lying, crying, or slowly dying.
And I'll only remember because you changed me...
cause of the violence, and the love, cause you made me...
Im waiting for the things that you promised
Waiting for the words to ring true
Waiting for you to see your responsibility
For you to comprehend and come through
I keep hoping you'll see how im feeling
Keep trying to think that you'll change
And sometimes you acknowledge the problems
but its never corrected, its always the same
And i'm feeling so angry and crazy
I hate how you have that control
Im still waiting, watching, loving
Still filled with such false hope.
Secretssecrets...so many secrets here
so many things held in check
i wont shed a single tear
secrets...so many left unsaid
things i cant bring myself to tell you
places i was willingly led
secrets...that would hurt you about me
the scars that lie inside
the craving to feel, the need
secrets...that you've heard but dont believe
the ones i turn around to lies
so as to spare you the grief
secrets...that showed the hope lost long ago
looking to see if i'm still here
things i'd never show
secrets...i've got thousands left
things i've yet to tell you
but im afraid i'll run out of breath.
Failuredont you think i remember?
dont you think i recall?
when you were there, breaking
and i just let the pieces fall?
dont you think that i felt it?
dont you think that i saw you cry?
when you were there, bleeding
and i turned my back, i lied.
dont you think that it hurt me?
dont you think that i died?
when you were there, hurting
and i just tried to hide.
dont you think that it hurt?
dont you think that i know?
when you were there, drowning
and i just let you go.
dont you think that i remember?
dont you think that i regret?
when you were dying there
and i turned away, i left.
dont you think i loved you?
dont you think i cared?
when you were being broken down
and to move i was too scared.
Dont you think i recall?
dont you thinnk i understand?
when you were there, falling
and i wouldnt help you stand/
Fairthey told me it would be ok...and that they wouldnt care...but they lied to my face...for they all stopped and stared...some part of me said to run...but my pride took over and i stayed...some little part of me was scared...but i made that voice fade...someone started laughing...and i felt my face turn red...inside i was bleeding...from the cuts from the words they said...no one always speaks truth...no one never lies..and then they see you as having weakness...if you break down and cry...the most lonely i ever felt...was in that crowded room...where i could identify with no one...it felt like a crowded tomb...where everyone's there but no ones alive...where they're all living...but they've all died inside...and theyre bringing me down with them...they want what the no longer have...a soul, their own personality...they want the things they lack...and the lonliness just grows greater...the emptiness creates a bigger hole...adn the people i surround myself with...their hearts are just so
condescending ..i hate the way you say that. its that exact tone where you make me feel like im less than what i should be,
less than you expected.
i feel like we've walked this road before, and repaved it.
but the ruts, bumps, and pot holes are returning, because we've forgotten.
i hate the way you look when you say that.
like i'm maybe a step up from vermin, that i dont deserve to...i dont know, breathe.
i hate the way you act like youre my best friend and want to know what i have to say, all the while judging me. and you wonder why im never around.
o scratch that, you dont wonder, nor do you fully care. all you need to know is whether or not to leave the door open or shut me out again.
to protect yourself, so you think.
we've been here before, sought out help to repave this road, to fill in this hole.
you always wanted this, you convey that with your eyes. telling me that this is what i asked for. when really you never prepared me.
i'll never forget. step up to the plate, grow up. where were you?
To My SisterYou dress like a Disney Princess,
And play with pretty dolls;
Your laughter warms our hearts,
Your smile lifts our souls.
You stumble when you walk,
And you can’t say my name;
You dance to invisible music,
Everyone says we’re the same.
You have curly blonde hair,
And big brown eyes;
A smiling flower of a face,
And chubby baby thighs.
You will grow to be big,
And you will change;
You’ll learn the world’s scary,
As much as it is strange.
If I could give you one tip,
And know that you’d follow it,
It’d be: be who you are,
Live like there’s no tomorrow.
Don’t strive for beauty,
Don’t live for lies;
Find beauty in living and
Keep putting beauty into
Other people’s lives.
happy family.and it would make no difference
if these walls could
because even they know when
to keep quiet.
Prodigal's SearchProdigal's Search
Tormented in school, berated at home
A constant need to live this life alone
I finished school to go abroad
My heart weighed with a heavy load
And every step I took then
Echoed with my mother's voice
An empty heart and a sad soul
Need time to recover and become whole
I needed to live among caring men
So I would not relive that life again
But still I heard that woman's voice
I wandered far and away back then
Vowing never to return home again
Haunted and hounded by my mother's ghost
Peace is desired but it has a heavy cost
Only now at the side of one I love
Who heals and soothes with a velvet glove
Does that voice soften and sound like the wind
And drift away like my dreams from my mind
And in the end I realized
That only my father and my sister cared
The former supported me till now more than I knew
The latter supports me at every thing I do
And I no longer hear that awful voice
post-crisiswell, now it's all over and gone
memories linger, and pain
triumphs lost to tear-stains
the worst part is you'll never know why
though you'll try to figure it out, put it to rest
your head tells you to give up,
but your heart won't let go.
There real.You say they are myths?
Well I've seen the truth.
It's amazing how hurt, and lies can get you.
How your mind is like a clock.
A ticking time bomb perhaps.
Sanity is waiting.
Waiting just to be snapped.
You say you don't fear the woods.
There's nothing to be afraid.
The wind feels good across your face.
Well darling, you don't know what game you've started to play.
These stories are all fake you say?
Nothing to fear.
But now you have traveld to the woods.
Fear, the monsters are near.
You say you will play the game.
The game that you have won.
Your not afraid to test your fate.
Say it is all just good fun.
Well don't say okay, he will kill you now wait and see.
For you've met with a terrible fate haven't you?
Or you say you don't sleep.
You just don't feel we'll.
but here comes the prince.
The prince of hell.
A slick of the blade will
Sleep, Little ChildHush, little child,
Close your weary eyes
And rest well
For you are in good hands.
You need not worry what tomorrow brings,
The sun will bring a new day for you,
Welcoming you into this world,
A brand new life awaits just for you.
And do you know what else, little child?
You've got your whole life ahead of you,
Whether that path is a long or short one
Rough or simple
You will make it and if you should
If you should make mistakes
Feel pain or sorrow,
You will grow stronger
And braver someday.
So don’t be scared, little child,
The world is at your finger tips
And when it comes closer
Catch it in your little hands
And hold it close to your heart
Because one day you will be able to see
The love it holds inside for you.
Oh, little child
You don’t even know
How lucky you are to be here,
And maybe you’ll never know,
You might not know for a very long time
You might never know throughout your whole life.
Most people don’t,
And that’s okay
Because you a
vulture of the nighti woke up to the sound
walking the stairs
you're coming my way and
tears start streaming down my face
i try to hide between the sheets, but i know i will be seen
and you will look at me.
lying about pregnancy is
(i'm sorry you were never born)
WhoWho am I?
The crying girl, who puts on a smile, working hard to be her.
Who am I?
Who is she?
The hiding spy, who is nice, only to turn on her back.
Who is she?
Who is he?
The teasing bully, who makes fun of others, hiding his secrets.
Who is he?
Who are they?
Those who command, who think they control, taking power that isn't theirs.
Who are they?
Who are we?
The quiet people, who roam the halls, not sure if they want to be found or not.
Who are we?
Who is she?
The screaming women, who despises life, working to make her living.
Who is she?
Who is he?
The busy man, who is too busy, leaving his loved behind.
Who is he?
FailureI look at the paper,
So many numbers,
With no meaning,
They look like they're laughing
Gloating and preening,
I hate those numbers,
They fill me with
A frustrated rage,
As they dance and swirl,
Upon my page,
Those numbers they tease,
They scream at me,
"The answer was always there!"
But I just bite my lip,
And twiddle my hair,
I hate it how,
There is only one answer in math(s)
So many wrong and only one right,
But life is not just,
Black and white,
My head starts to pound
I struggle through,
but there's more and more,
And others have finished
I steady myself, not halfway
And the noise behind my ears
Just as the lunch bell
Does start ringing
I hold back a sob
I did always know,
What would prevail,
Breaking Freei'm screaming inside
...from trying to hide and break free
all at the same time
i'm screaming inside
...from feeling so alive and afraid
all at the same time
i'm trying to break free
of my self-made chains
but its harder than it seems
i wasnt prepared for the pains
and i'm trying to break free
cause i know its a better world
but i've been so broken and afraid
still feel like that little girl
i'm so afraid of what i'm feeling
though its amazing in itself
so afraid but liberated
from this self-made hell
and i'm not sure that i want this
even though it feels so right
i dont know why i'm fighting
but i wont give up the fight
Stranger LoveI am not the sunlit wing-print
splayed out on the bedroom wall.
I am not the dark mass forming
in a corner of an airless hall.
I am not the viscous vengeance
where you sink your spinning wheels.
I am not the leaky bucket
hung up on your wishing well.
You are not my soul mate missing
wandering a winter's night.
You are not the sound of angels
singing by a candle's light.
You are not the rasp of fingers
fumbling with a hasp of steel.
You are not the tattered towel
soaking up the things I feel.
I am the oblivious child,
dancing where the wildflowers are.
You are my unwitting captive
lighting up a jelly jar.
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More