oddlilsister

My heart beats… it stutters, then beats again. Faster this time, though, because of the way you hurt me. Beats faster because of the anger and the pain. Beat…b…be…beat…..beat.beat. Pieces of me are falling away; I can't make them stay in place anymore. You chisel away more of my heart with every lie, Beat, Every justification you make for your actions, Beat, Every time you hide something from me, B...be...beat. And I wonder how many more hits I can take. How many more times I can be talked out of leaving. Beat. One more day, week, month, year? Jesus you tie me in knots. Beat. Beat. Every time, its bab

I'll ignore you and pretend you dont exist until you come back to me until your drugs wear off and you look at me soberly and while i may seem so cold its easier to just ignore you and carry through cause i deserve more than just an empty shell of you i hate that you check out i hate that you slur your words i hate that you dont care how i feel about it because you so like the blur i understand about taking the edge off trust me, i really do but you have so much youre missing and i, i just miss you im tired of repeating myself at least twice with every word i say im tired of thinking i'll just do it myself cause its easier

Bottle to the lips your convictions are stronger now now that you can taste it and in it you can drown another shot for the tears so that everything goes numb so i can stop hating so i can stop feeling dumb i want to drown out this life so i can stop hating me so i can stop hating you so i can stop...and just be no more tears, no more pain i dont have to care and even when i fall no one will have to be there so drink it up, enjoy the taste gets better as you go one more shot, one more taste down & down you'll go

I'm only paranoid because you make me.. cause you take me, break me, and hate me. I'm only here cause you brought me... cause you caught me, fought me, & taught me. I'm only around cause you like it... that I fight it, & that I cant right it. I only speak when you try to "get" me... when you bet me, let me, & then forget me. I only breathe cause you're waiting... cause you're watching, wishing, paying. I'll only leave cause you've decided its not worth trying... not worth lying, crying, or slowly dying. And I'll only remember because you changed me... cause of the violence, and the love, cause you  made me...

Im waiting for the things that you promised Waiting for the words to ring true Waiting for you to see your responsibility For you to comprehend and come through I keep hoping you'll see how im feeling Keep trying to think that you'll change And sometimes you acknowledge the problems but its never corrected, its always the same And i'm feeling so angry and crazy I hate how you have that control Im still waiting, watching, loving Still filled with such false hope.